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5 Glastonbury tunes to end Domestic Violence

Jun 26 2014
By: Eddie
Categories: Competition, Glastonbury, Lyrics
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1. Jake Bugg: Two Fingers

Bugg’s vocals reverberate over rhythmically strummed guitar as in the song a young man remembers seeing his mum suffer domestic violence. This is a reality faced by many kids.
Over 750 000 children a year witness domestic violence in the UK, often leading to behavioural problems, emotional trauma & mental health difficulties later in life.
2. Kate Nash: Rap for Rejection
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Rap for Rejection’s playful bass riff & hip hop drumbeat superimposed with Nash’s rap confronts everyday sexism - “You try & tell me sexism doesn’t exist?”  In 2014 UN rapporteur revealed that sexual bullying & harassment is routine in UK schools with almost one in three 16-18 year-old girls having experienced ‘groping’ or other unwanted sexual touching at school. [Warning: track contains adult language]
3. Arcade Fire: Porno

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Porno’s pulsating synth & electro beat below melancholic male vocals works as a lament of the contemporary exposure of boys to porn.  Research shows 57% 9-19 year olds who go online at least once a week have come into contact with online porn. Pornography is a poor & often violent sex educator. Let’s fight for Sex & Relationship Education to be included in our children’s school curricula.
4. Suzanne Vega: Luka
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Vega’s 80’s rock classic highlights the often hidden nature of domestic violence.  It’s a well-known fact that only a minority of incidents of domestic violence are reported to the police varying between 23% and 35% in the UK. It’s vital to believe & respond well to women & girls when disclosures of domestic violence are made.
5. ? Unknown Artist ?
Are you a Christian or Muslim between the ages of 16-30 & are looking for a chance to use your creative skills writing lyrics? Enter our competition & you could have your lyrics produced in a 1 minute video.  We challenge you to write lyrics for the young people who’ve witnessed domestic violence, for the girls who’ve suffered sexism, the boys who’ve been exposed to porn & the women who suffer in silence. Can you help make a difference?
Send your lyrics to info@dwelldomesticviolence.com
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Brazil 2014 38%

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The Brazilian World Cup is just around the corner & plenty of us are inventing bizarre rituals to bring luck to the England side. My dad’s a life-long West Ham fan, which is where I get my innate sense of underdog moral authority. He often refuses to watch the very games he obsesses over because of bad omens over Upton Park his viewing brings.
Talking about his own footballing superstitions Arsenal fan Nick Hornby writes, “I have tried ‘smoking’ goals in & eating cheese-&-onion crisps at certain points in the 1st half; I have tried not setting the video for live games. I have tried lucky socks, lucky shirts, lucky hats & lucky friends, & have attempted to exclude others who I feel bring with them nothing but trouble for the team”.
Why do we create these comedy sports rituals?
Hornby goes on to write, “What else can we do when we’re so weak?  We invest hours each day, months each year, years each lifetime in something over which we have no control; is it any wonder then, that we are reduced to creating ingenious but bizarre liturgies designed to give us the illusion that we are powerful after all?”

World Cup research has revealed domestic violence in Britain increases by up to 38% after England games

Why is this?  In the Hillsborough disaster alcohol was infamously blamed as part of the cover up.  Blaming alcohol alone is often a pat answer to a complex question. In a game where we’ve invested so much energy as fans for 90 minutes we have no control over the players. No control over the managers’ or referees’ decisions.  No control over the results.  This can be unbearable if we think we’re entitled to control. There needs to be some relief. A loss engulfs us in self pity.
Ad men exploit this unhappy tension in a well-known chocolate bar World Cup advert.  I enjoy watching England more when I ignore the ads & ditch illusions of control. Unless we men become aware that there are many things in life (more than we like to admit) over which we have no control then domestic violence against women will never end.
As Christian & Muslim football fans our faith teaches us that we find strength in weakness. Recognising our weaknesses as men is not easy but is really good for us.  It makes us more honest, more true to ourselves & therefore better at relationships with women. Over the past 10 years in Britain football fan culture & the FA have been largely successful in tackling racism, which is good news.  2014 is the time for fans + FIFA to eradicate sexism + domestic violence against women & to save football as the beautiful game.

 

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Today is World Voice Day: How are you using yours?

Do we know the power we hold in our voices? 

Many women speak out, use their voices powerfully for the causes they believe in. They speak of injustice done by those in authority and by those in power. Like Malala Yousafzai (who was shot by the Taliban for speaking about girls education)  those who speak out often do so at risk of their own lives, their own safety, their own peace of mind, sometimes sacrificing themselves, sometimes sacrificing relationships with family, for the sake of the cause.Going to a talk recently at the Women of the world festival entitled “Refusing to be silenced” made me more determined to speak about the injustice of domestic violence & its destruction of lives. It made me want to stand with the women I heard there, women like Reem Rashad & Mariam Suleiman, who speak so bravely about violence and injustice against women in Syria & Darfur. And it made me more determined to look to Jesus and ask the question what would he say to the church about violence against women in our homes? When I read about Jesus in the gospels I wonder why are we Christ followers not leading the stand, the protests, the marches against gender injustice? Why are we not speaking out, louder & stronger?
It’s certainly not that Jesus is silent on this subject! We just need to read the Magnificat, the beautiful words that say how much God believed in A YOUNG GIRL! We just need to look again at the Samaritan woman at the well, Jesus’ concern for his mother when he was dying on the cross, the women at the tomb after the resurrection & we learn Jesus’ views of women & his faith in them.
How can we stay silent on gender injustice if we are the followers of Jesus? How can we ignore the injustices done against women & girls in our country, in our communities, in our work places & homes & stay silent! Women imprisoned because they came to the UK for refuge, women discriminated against in leadership at work & church, girls sexually harassed in schools, women abused & even killed in there homes!
How can we stay silent!
Do we know the power we hold in our voices!
We can make such a difference, lets begin to speak out! Shout out! Pray out!
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Lego Bro

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Finn’s father is fixated on teaching his son not to mix up his Lego playsets Finn’s dad a.k.a. The Man Upstairs decides to Krazy Glue his ideal Lego constructions together.  Finn’s natural creativity is being quashed.  This is the conundrum that must be solved in The Lego Movie.
A conundrum that’s reflected in men’s actual lives.  Do we live according to the Krazy Glued ideals of being a man or according to our natural desire for something more creative?  Because you can’t live life according to both.
The Krazy Glued ideal of being a man is that sense of entitlement to power & control.
Many Christian & Muslim men in Britain have power & control in society, in our churches & mosques, politically & economically – & some men do not.
For those who embody positions of power, life can become centred on maintaining that power.  For those of us who do not have equal access to privilege, life can become centred on protest until we achieve the same power we feel entitled to.
But for most men life is not that simple.  We might hold to the masculine ideal of power & control but our actual lives often don’t match up to it, or we cannot maintain the control we desire.  It is because of these mismatches & tensions that some men choose to abuse women in the home.

Christian & Muslim men believe it is not in our nature to be violent against women – God did not create us that way.

As I heard Michael Kaufman say recently at Being A Man Festival, “To say men are violent against women by nature is much too low a view of men”.
So why did we face such a flood of men abusing women last year?  1.1 million women survived domestic violence in Britain in 2013, predominantly at the hands of men.  Why do we blokes tolerate the fact that 5 million British women or 30% of the female population have experienced domestic violence since the age of 16?
Surely a sense of entitlement to power & control over women is at war with the heart of man.  We must let go of this false ideal, this ideal often concealed by crude comedy. Let go bro!
Because it’s a tragedy when you watch the man who thinks ‘control’s my middle name’ but it’s Jon.
Join us as we regenerate a way of being men free from power & control over women & free from hidden abuse in the home.
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Best Man’s Speech

www.dwelldomesticviolence.com
Dr Watson’s return to London is peppered with nightmares & flashbacks.  He’s back from combat in Afghanistan a lost & lonely soul.  Lost & lonely, that is, until he meets the world’s only consulting detective – Sherlock Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes’ obsessive devotion to scientific deduction works to his personal detriment – he has no friends! No friends, until Dr John Watson becomes a 221B Baker Street flatmate.
And so beneath the surface of the detective story begins the story of the greatest friendship ever.  But because it’s a male friendship it’s simply never talked about – unless there’s a best man’s speech to give. And in last week’s BBC episode ‘The Sign of Three’ Sherlock became exactly that – best man at Watson’s wedding.  Sherlock delivers one of the most entertainingly awkward & tenderly touching speeches, “I will solve your murder but it takes John Watson to save your life. Trust me on that I should know he’s saved mine so many times & in so many ways”
Last week I too had the honour of being asked to be best man at my friend’s wedding.  What can I learn from Sherlock & Watson?  Both characters need friendship to temper the humdrum predictability of everyday life seen through the lens of uncompromising applications of logic & an addiction to adventure.  But their friendship goes far beyond the functionality of sharing a common mission.  The secret to Sherlock & Watson’s friendship, I believe, is honesty. Because a friendship without honesty is no friendship at all.
Marriage changes things. It’s true from a fictional standpoint & for real friendships.  But for blokes I believe a healthy marriage hinges on honest male friendship.  Why? Because more women were killed through male domestic violence in the UK in 2013 than British troops were killed in Afghanistan over the last 3 years!  We lose more lives through violence in the home than through war.
Surely a sense of entitlement to power & control over women is at war with the heart of man.
Most blokes don’t commit domestic violence against women, but most men do have an influence on the culture of masculinity that allows other men to become abusive husbands, boyfriends, or exes.  By making our friendships with other men more honest we can change this culture.
Tonight’s final episode of Sherlock centres on the terrifying villain Charles Augustus Magnussen – the master blackmailer. How will Sherlock & Watson’s friendship fare? The power of blackmail lays in unrevealed secrets. Real friendships scratch beneath the surface of the false self –that Facebook version of ourselves we’re all tempted to project.  The Enemy will try to blackmail us into silence because – to varying degrees – we’re all complicit in this culture of control that’s allowed other men to abuse women.
If your mate’s using tactics to control his wife, girlfriend, or ex are you prepared to challenge him?  If you notice signs of abuse of power & control over women in your own behaviour are you prepared to get help?  It’s time to break the silence on domestic violence through male friendships.  The only shame is in staying silent.
3 things every Christian & Muslim Man can Do:
  1. Follow Dwell on Facebook & Twitter OR book a Dwell speaker for your faith group
  2. Sign the White Ribbon or First Man Standing pledge 
  3. Set time aside to pray & assess your own attitude towards women in your life
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What I’ve Learnt Praying about Domestic Violence

Dec 16 2013
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I pray for domestic violence to end. I pray for homes that are loving and safe for all women and for relationships between men and women that are loving and healthy where power is shared and control is only of your self and your own behaviour. I pray for emotional and physical healing for those of us who have suffered violence at the hands of men closest to us. I pray that we might be able to lift our heads and know love again. And as I pray I am forced to think, challenged to change, made to consider and realise my inadequacy.
When I pray I hope I’m in touch with what God feels about women who suffer domestic violence. His love for us and the anger and grief over what has been done to us. It gives me a heart of love for sufferers and survivors of domestic violence. It forces me to face the pain of domestic violence and makes me aware of my own feelings of extreme sadness and indignant anger at the lives shattered, relationships destroyed and the many deaths as a result of domestic violence. I have to face my feelings and I give them to God because otherwise they would drive me to despair.
I am also challenged about my attitudes and thoughts about men, generally. When I think of friends who have suffered violence at the hands of men who know them I am tempted to tarnish all men with the same brush but praying challenges me about that attitude. I am reminded that Jesus was a man who was not violent towards women in fact the opposite he was loving towards all the women he met. I need to remember the good men in my life who are supportive and loving towards me. And I ask myself the question do I encourage them to be better men?
In prayer as I look towards God, I come face to face with my own imperfections, my own character and my own behaviour towards others. Am I loving or do I hurt those around me?
Prayer forces me to consider the one person I want to avoid focusing on, the perpetrator. It forced me to consider him as a human being as a person made in God’s image. I have to consider him and his behaviour and face its evil and again give my feelings to God or be bitter, angry and depressed by these thoughts. Do I believe prayer will change the minds, hearts and behaviours of perpetrators? I think if God can’t then who can?
I start to question where is God when a husband, father, brother, partner decides to be violent towards a woman in the place that should be safe, where is God and why doesn’t he stop it? Why doesn’t he grab the man by the scruff of his neck and throw him out of the situation?

Prayer for me is honest communication with an awesome God

Its is not an excuse to do nothing but says we have a part to play. Brings God into a situation that seems impossible. Crying out to God changes me and gives me hope. And helps me to believe its possible to end domestic violence because I believe in heaven. I believe in heaven as a place with no pain, no violence and no broken relationships and I believe that heaven can come to earth through those of us who are lights, those of us who reflect God in our attempts to love and to end domestic violence here on earth. Prayer is bringing things to God that I don’t understand and says I can’t prevent domestic violence on my own without him. It says I need God to come and breakthrough in a situation that seems so evil that the light of goodness feels threatened. It says help God we need you!!! Prayer changes me and challenges me and through me changes the situation of domestic violence.
During this season of Advent I am reminded of heaven coming to earth through Jesus who for me is the bringer of light and hope to earth. I am thankful for Jesus and I am thankful that he has and can bring peace and love to homes where there has been fear and violence. We need His light, we need His peace, we need His love in every home!!!                                                                                                                         O Lord, come!!!
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5 Myths about Christian & Muslim Men

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5 Myths about Christian and Muslim Men:
“Men who go to Church don’t commit domestic violence!”  A recent Christianity Magazine survey revealed over ½ respondents – mostly women & regular church goers - had suffered domestic abuse.  Up to 10% evangelical Christians in UK experienced physical abuse in 2012. Read more
“It’s culture that causes Muslim men to abuse women!”  Ideas of honour & shame are often used to justify violence, but so-called ‘honour’ does not cause or excuse domestic violence.  There’s no honour in violence against women.  Domestic violence is a choice made by the perpetrator alone. Read more
“Men suffer domestic violence the same as women!”  A vast majority of perpetrators of violence are men & the nature of violence used by men is more severe than that used by women against men. Read more
“If men get involved in women’s campaigns, women’s voices will get pushed to the edges!”  There are very few examples of this happening.   A greater danger is a lack of men’s involvement in ending violence against women altogether. Read more
“Christian & Muslim men’s abuse of women is rooted in Christianity & Islam!”  Religion & scripture have often been used to justify men’s power & control over women.  But today more than ever Christian & Muslim men believe it’s our God-given mission – our dawah – to help end violence against wives, mums, daughters & sisters. Read more on Imams Against Domestic Abuse & Restored Alliance.
3 things every Christian & Muslim Man can Do:
  1. Follow Dwell on Facebook & Twitter OR book a Dwell speaker for your faith group
  2. Sign the White Ribbon or First Man Standing pledge 
  3. Set time aside to pray & assess your attitude towards women in your life
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The Truth Will Set Us Free

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We need to face the truth about domestic violence..

When something seems so tragically wrong, so awful, so traumatic what we want to do is hide it. We want it not to be true. Or we try to make excuses, find reasons, to make sense of why it happened. And every day domestic violence is a tragic reality. Whatever the tragedy is, we want to believe we can reason it away but these untruths need to be faced. The myths need to be dispelled because there’s no reasoning away domestic violence. We need to face the awful reality that some men hurt, abuse, violate & even kill their partners. They need to be stopped. To help it to stop we need to face the truth & dispel the myths.
We Christians need to face the truth that domestic violence happens in church communities too. And as we face this truth we will see domestic violence brought into the light. We will see shame & fear extinguished from the lives of sufferers in our homes. Men & women are equally valued by God therefore neither should live in fear of the other & neither has the right to power & control over the other.

Video: Domestic Violence: Myths versus truths

We need to face the truth that domestic violence happens in Muslim communities too.  And as we face this truth we will see an end to culture & religion being used as an excuse to justify forms of honour related violence against Muslim women. Culture or religion do not cause abuse, abuse is a choice made by the abuser.

Article: Muslim women are caught in the crossfire between bigots on both sides

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1 in 4 women in the UK will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime
When you face the truth about a tragedy you are set free from the fear and shame it brings. When we as Christians & Muslims face the truth about domestic violence we will be set free of fear & shame. Not only that, when we start to speak the truth about domestic violence, we will also see healthy marriages & families in our communities. We need to face the truth & be set free.
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Who’s Saving Whose Face?

Sep 27 2013
By: Eddie
Categories: Mohammad Jawad & Danny Silk
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“The first step in solving any problem is recognising there is one” – Will McAvoy. The Newsroom.

The Newsroom TV series follows reporter Will McAvoy who’s obsessed with his fan base.  To him his ratings are everything.  He tells people the news they want to hear & he’s popular because he doesn’t bother anyone. In other words, he’s stopped telling true news.
Enter Will’s ex-girlfriend British journalist MacKenzie McHale returning fresh from the fields of Pakistan, Afghanistan & Iraq.  She’s been to way too many funerals for a woman her age & she believes journalists owe people the truth. Will’s courage to tell true news regardless of ratings is reignited.  Together they form a powerful partnership. They set out to see the death of gossip & reclaim journalism’s honour.
This is true news: Today more than 1/3 women worldwide suffer physical or sexual violenceA vast majority of this violence is committed by husbands, boyfriends, & male ex-partners. Most men are silent about these facts.
The first step in solving any problem is recognising there is one. 
Most men aren’t satisfied being popular because we didn’t bother anyone!  I believe most men have the courage to go against the flow of silence about violence.  We need to start kicking up some bother.  To save the honour in being men because committing violence against women is shameful.  I believe men can break this silence because of men like Mohammed Jawad & Danny Silk.
The model Katie Piper was attacked with acid on the streets of London in 2008.  The plastic surgeon who reconstructed her face was Dr Mohammad Jawad.  Katie Piper said, “Mr Jawad seemed like an angel to me. Two men had destroyed my face, & now this one was going to try to rebuild it.” But Katie also changed Dr Jawad’s life forever.  He learnt how prevalent acid attacks against women are & it broke his heart.  He set out to Karachi in Pakistan, the city of his birth, to use his surgical skills to re-construct survivors’ faces.  “In a way I’m saving my own face,” he says, “it’s a very shameful thing as a society to be living with acid attacks & not be doing anything about it.”

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Check out the work of Dr Jawad with charity Islamic Help here http://goo.gl/5c3ANp
One December night an 8 year old Danny crept out of his bedroom, down the hall & into the kitchen to be confronted with a paralyzing scene.  Doug, his mum’s boyfriend, had his hands wrapped around mummy’s throat.  Her feet lifted inches from the ground.  Doug turned & spotted Danny in the kitchen doorway & dropped Danny’s mum to the floor.  Scared for his life, Danny ran back to his room, waiting for Doug to burst in.  “That was the night I first tasted terror,” he says.  This was the first in a series of abusive relationships Danny’s mum had with men throughout Danny’s childhood.  Today, Pastor Danny Silk’s passion to see full equality between men & women is rooted in his own story.  See Danny Silk’s story here http://goo.gl/vM6nfU
As Dr Mohammed Jawad & Pastor Danny Silk honour women, they also save masculinity from crisis.  They go against the flow of men’s silence on violence against women.  Many men, like Dr Jawad, meet women in our professional lives who’ve survived violence.  Many men, like Danny & like me, know women in our own families who’ve suffered abuse – our mums, our sisters, or our wives who’ve suffered in past relationships. I’m proud to follow men like Dr Jawad & Danny Silk & join them in kicking up some bother by rebuilding what it means to be a real man. In a way we’re saving our own face. Will you join us by breaking the silence?

 

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Two Butterflies and the world

Aug 09 2013
By: Roxy
Categories: Mukhtar Mai & Katie Piper
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A butterfly has to spend time in the glow of sunlight to survive through a day.

On Saturday a beautiful butterfly flew into the bathroom through the open window and when I tried to shew it out again it wouldn’t go. It continued to fly around the house moving from room to room and we tried to move it outside with no success. It slowly died which upset me because a butterfly is not meant to be kept indoors, captured and trapped. A butterfly is meant to be free and live in the sunlight.
Some women are like beautiful butterflies needing to be released. Free of the control and power of men. Two such women are Mukhtar Mai and Katie Piper. They have flown free out of situations that could easily have entrapped them for life. Both have immense courage to fight and continue to live even when life is painful and others want to put shame on them. But not only to live themselves but to help others live. They live a world apart but have the same courage and conviction that life shouldn’t be this way and determination to change the worlds they live in.

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Mukhtar Mai was raped by a group of men in her village where men decide on the punishment for shame. Shame that didn’t belong to Mukhtar in the first place but because she is a woman was put on her. More awful than that they tried to take her dignity and honour from her in the most humiliating way. She decided that even after rape she would free herself with the help of others, she would empower herself and she would empower other women to be given choices so they could no longer be controlled. She built a school so she and others could learn to read and write and so girls in Pakistan could be empowered to fight the system that tries to keep them trapped. http://www.mukhtarmai.org/
Katie Piper was assaulted by her boyfriend and then he sent someone else to attack her with acid. His aim to destroy a beautiful young lady and her life. She has fought back with love for others who have been affected by disfigurement and acid attacks. She has set up a foundation to raise awareness and change attitudes to disfigurement which has given hope to many. http://www.katiepiperfoundation.org.uk/
Both Mukhtar and Katie were encouraged by their families and men in their lives who believed they could survive and make a difference. Mukhtar Mai was supported by her father who believed in her fight for justice and Katie Piper was helped by the surgeon who has worked to restore her face. Their faith in God, their belief in another way, their hope and their healing has driven them both forward to help others.
Both these women inspire me to work for change in attitudes towards women in our society. Their stories are among the many that remind me that I can’t sit back and allow domestic violence to continue. They inspire me to continue to believe that it’s possible to change attitudes and therefore prevent domestic violence.

A butterfly has to spend time in the glow of sunlight to survive through a day.

We at The Dwell Project believe men and women need to work together to prevent these and other forms of domestic violence from happening. We believe we can all influence change by treating each other with love and encouraging each other to be the people we are created to be.
We believe we can influence change by saying no to domestic violence, by supporting men who stand against domestic violence, by seeing women in our own lives as equally valuable. Join us in standing against domestic violence!!!
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